The Office Part V

                                                                                                                                                                          

[Erin covers her face with her hair]
Michael Scott:	What are you doin'? What are you doing.
Erin:	In the foster home my hair was my room. [starts yelling under her hair]
Michael Scott:	Ok, ok. You know what? You know what? Everybody's looking at you now.[yelling] I'll have what she's having!

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:

You know what, I resent the implication that I would keep that secret. Everyone here knows that I can't and won't keep a secret.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:

I have got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:	We are not always going to be there, to coddle your heart back, when it disappears to be working. What are you going to do when your heart stops?
Stanley:	I would die.
Michael Scott:	And you're okay with that?
Stanley:	I'm okay with the logic of it.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Phyllis:	It is a big deal. You almost killed Stanley.
Dwight Schrute:	Yeah. Right. I filled him full of butter and sugar for fifty years and forced him not to exercise. Now take a lesson from Stanley and jog on up here and sign this, ok? Make a line. Let's form a line right here. ... Sign it. Sign it!

                                                                                                                                                                         

Dwight:               Girl scouts? I don't know. I think it is kind of dangerous to teach young girls self-esteem and                  leadership skills.

                                                                                                                                                                         

The Office Part IV

                                                                                                                                                                         

Dwight Schrute:	Michael, what's wrong?
Michael Scott:	Everything is wrong, Dwight. The stress of my modern office has made me depressed.
Dwight Schrute:	Depressed? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling, 'bummed down?'
Michael Scott:	Dwight, you ignorant slut!

                                                                                                                                                                         

Kelly:	I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then, after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
Creed:	That wasn't a tapeworm.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:	We will still get to use the little cups though, right?
Gabe:	Little cups? Like, uh, paper or plastic or?
Michael Scott:	I don't know what they're made of.
Dwight Schrute:	They're two ounce paper cups dipped in plastic he goes through twenty a day.
Gabe:	Ok. Well. I bet you could fit twenty little cups of water in your aluminum bottle.
Michael Scott:	You know what can't fit in a bottle are the twenty little trips I take to the cooler. And the twenty little scans I do of everybody to make sure everything's running smoothy and the twenty conversations that I have with Stanley.
Stanley:	That's okay.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:	Corporate has given Dwight two strikes. They are very, very upset with him. So, as a disciplinary measure, he is going to have to issue a formal apology. Dwight, have you prepared your statement of regret?
Dwight Schrute:	I have.
Michael Scott:	Let's hear it.
Dwight Schrute:	[unfolds piece of paper and reads from it] I state my regret.
Jim Halpert:	You couldn't have memorized that?
Dwight Schrute:	I could not because I do not feel it.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Andy:

Did I do this for me? No. I did this, for the little guy. For Joe six pack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his four hundred dollar a month apartment, wonders how he's gonna pay his mortgage that month. Wonders how he's gonna fill his car up, with oil. Wonders how am I gonna pay my kids' orphanage bills. That guy, shouldn't have to wonder where he's gonna park.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:

Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Oscar:	Great. They stole my laptop.
Kevin:	Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
Oscar:	How does that even compare!
Kevin:	Oscar I'm now going to be prone to surges

                                                                                                                                                                         

The Office Part III

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:

Corporate shut down the Buffalo branch, which left us to absorb all of their clients. I will tell you, there has been work, everyday. Had to come in on a Saturday... to retrieve-- I left my cell phone here.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Jan:	How would a movie increase productivity, Michael? How on earth would it do that?
Michael Scott:	People work faster after.
Jan:	Magically.
Michael Scott:	No. They have to, to make up for the time they lost watching the movie.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:

Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office, loves the work, he is however, an idiot.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Dwight Schrute:	What was your mile time?
Toby:	'Bout seven.
Dwight Schrute:	Heh, I could beat that on a skateboard.
Toby:	Well that has wheels.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:	Um actually I'm sending Ryan on a top secret mission. Tell her what it is.
Ryan:	Updating emergency contacts?
Pam Beesly:	Well, is that really a priority?
Michael Scott:	Is it a priority? Oh I dunno. Um, what if there's a tornado, Pam? Peoples legs are crushed under rubble. 'Please, would you be so kind as to call my wife?' No, I can't, because we don't have any emergency contact information because Pam said it wasn't a priority. Think, think with your head Pam.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:

New York, New York. City so nice they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Toby:	We're not all gonna sit in a circle Indian style, are we?
Michael Scott:	Get out. No this is not a joke. It was offensive and lame, so double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.

                                                                                                                                                                         

The Office Part II

                                                                                                                                                                        

Stanley:	Chocolate.
Michael Scott:	Racism is dead, Stanley. You can have any kind of ice cream you want.

                                                                                                                                                                        

Dwight Schrute:	Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?
Jim Halpert:	Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug.
Dwight Schrute:	Okay, tell him that that's not true.
Jim Halpert:	Dwight says that he doesn't actually know one single fact about bear attacks.
Dwight Schrute:	Okay. No. Jim tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him!

                                                                                                                                                                        

Michael Scott:	Can you tell who's gay and who's not?
Dwight Schrute:	Of course.
Michael Scott:	What about Oscar?
Dwight Schrute:	Absolutely not.
Michael Scott:	Well, he is.
Dwight Schrute:	Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so...

                                                                                                                                                                      

Michael Scott:

I don't care if Ryan murdered his entire family! He is like a son to me.

                                                                                                                                                                       

Michael Scott:	David here it is. My, philosophy is, basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who or who you are with, or or where you are going, or, or where you've been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.
Michael Scott:	[cut to talking head] Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

                                                                                                                                                                        

Michael Scott:

I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl, so I'm wise and have worms.

                                                                                                                                                                        

Michael Scott:

You know when people say, getting fired was the best thing that ever happened to them? I feel sorry for those people. That's? The best thing? Really? Yugh!

                                                                                                                                                                        

The Office Part I

Does anyone know how much I love The Office? Seriously, I think it is the funniest show ever and I can watch it all the time. I can also read quotes from it all the time. It just gives me a small laugh when I need it.

So, everyday this week I am going to post my favorite quotes from The Office. Hope you enjoy.
                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:	...some burritos or some colored greens or some pad thai.
Stanley:	It's collard greens.
Michael Scott:	What?
Stanley:	It's collard greens.
Michael Scott:	That doesn't make sense. You don't call them 'collard people'... that's offensive.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Dwight Schrute:

Jan had the baby, and Michael wasn't there to mark it. So the baby could be anybody's. Except Michael's.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:

Pam, I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Michael Scott:

I miss the old Dunder Mifflin. Too much change is not a good thing. Ask the climate.

                                                                                                                                                                       

Dwight Schrute:	If my assessment is correct, you grind your teeth?
Phyllis:	I do!
	[cut to talking head]
Dwight Schrute:	No kidding. She sits three feet from me. It's the most annoying thing. It's like children singing Christmas carols.

                                                                                                                                                                       

Toby:	Hey Michael, I have an extra twin bed if you want.
Michael Scott:	You are going to be sleeping by yourself for the rest of your life so you should just get used to it.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Ryan:	Did this happen on company property?
Michael Scott:	It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine.
Ryan:	I don't think-- I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael Scott:	Oh, I'm sorry. What is, 'we're fine'?

This Week

Chris and I are taking a vacation.

We are going here

and here

and here

and here

Can anyone guess where we are going?