Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Office Part IV


Dwight Schrute:Michael, what's wrong?
Michael Scott:Everything is wrong, Dwight. The stress of my modern office has made me depressed.
Dwight Schrute:Depressed? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling, 'bummed down?'
Michael Scott:Dwight, you ignorant slut!


Kelly:I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then, after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
Creed:That wasn't a tapeworm.


Michael Scott:We will still get to use the little cups though, right?
Gabe:Little cups? Like, uh, paper or plastic or?
Michael Scott:I don't know what they're made of.
Dwight Schrute:They're two ounce paper cups dipped in plastic he goes through twenty a day.
Gabe:Ok. Well. I bet you could fit twenty little cups of water in your aluminum bottle.
Michael Scott:You know what can't fit in a bottle are the twenty little trips I take to the cooler. And the twenty little scans I do of everybody to make sure everything's running smoothy and the twenty conversations that I have with Stanley.
Stanley:That's okay.


Michael Scott:Corporate has given Dwight two strikes. They are very, very upset with him. So, as a disciplinary measure, he is going to have to issue a formal apology. Dwight, have you prepared your statement of regret?
Dwight Schrute:I have.
Michael Scott:Let's hear it.
Dwight Schrute:[unfolds piece of paper and reads from it] I state my regret.
Jim Halpert:You couldn't have memorized that?
Dwight Schrute:I could not because I do not feel it.


Andy:Did I do this for me? No. I did this, for the little guy. For Joe six pack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his four hundred dollar a month apartment, wonders how he's gonna pay his mortgage that month. Wonders how he's gonna fill his car up, with oil. Wonders how am I gonna pay my kids' orphanage bills. That guy, shouldn't have to wonder where he's gonna park.


Michael Scott:Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.


Oscar:Great. They stole my laptop.
Kevin:Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
Oscar:How does that even compare!
Kevin:Oscar I'm now going to be prone to surges



Symantha said...

oh man I am lovin' these.

PS- My security word is "pregg." I think that's a sign.